I don't care what you fucks think, my neck and shoulders get pretty sore sometimes.
Also remember that J-List carries that great symbol of Japanese wacky pop culture, the Hello Kitty Vibrating Shoulder Massager, which is of course intended as massager for your neck and shoulders, although some would call it a Hello Kitty vibrator (imagine!). A licensed Sanrio item sold only in Japan, the unit features high and low massage modes, and a beautiful image of Kitty and her rabbit friend. It looks just great, in or out of case -- display it as a wonderful pop culture icon. Why not get a few, and give them out as gifts this year? (If you get 3 or more you get a 15% discount through the J-List shopping cart.)

Yeah, we all know those oh-so-hilarious and ironic Hello Kitty “Shoulder Massagers” (Oh HEE HEE like they're used for THAT I mean just look at the shape and GUH URF I AM QUITE CERTAIN THEY AREN'T SUPPOSED TO GO THERE OH CHRIST HELP ME). Well, now you can get a FANTASTIC DEAL on them! Yes! Buy a Hello Kitty “Shoulder Massager” for ALL your friends and family, then you can all be CRAZY and IRONIC together! (J-List dot com is not responsible for any injury incurred from non-ironic and improper usage of the Hello Kitty Vibrating Massager)

And then there's the T-shirts.

Surely, this 100% cotton T-shirt will aid me in my pursuit of a sexual companion of the asiatic persuasion.
“Available once again! Because we love bizarre messages in Japanese, we tried to think of the most esoteric one ever! During World War II, the universal word for the Allied soldiers was "kichiku beihei" which translates literally as "barbarian American soldiers" or better as "dirty American devils" (thus it corresponds to the word "Jap"). Guaranteed to get bizarre looks from Japanese co-eds on campus, this stylish shirt is very colorful, and shamelessly puts out its beautiful kanji message for all to see.”

I'm certain most of the otaku out there are somewhat disdained by the fact that they weren't born in Japan and therefore lost several early developmental years of obsessively watching anime and reading manga. It's like life is a continual catch up game to the Japanese! How can I simultaneously plod through the latest love triangley adaptation of whatever flavor of the month manga that's currently popular and catch up with all the love triangley flavor of the month manga adaptations of the seventies, eighties, and nineties as well?! Well, now you can not only disdain your birthright, you can actively slander and despise it with this groovy T-shirt! Explain it to your Great Grandpa and I guarantee you'll gain a whole new respect for that wizened old fuck's physical prowess!!

Two words a foreigner living in Japan learns pretty quickly are baka (stupid) and gaijin (foreigner). We put these two fun words together on a bizarre Japanese T-shirt that's perfect for fans who want to show their devotion to Japanese wacky culture!

HA HA HA! Oh, those CRAZY xenophobes! Look at them, they're all so cute and small and with such adorable little slanted eyes, and, hey, get this! They want me to get the fuck out of their country! Isn't that just precious! They won't even let me fuck their hookers! Probably just afraid of my large American cock!! Ha ha ha!

And, of course...

When we made our first "Looking for a Japanese Girlfriend" funny Japanese T-shirt back in 1997, we had no idea what a cult we were creating. Apparently there's a whole bunch of guys in the world who wouldn't mind getting attention from Japanese females in the world... ...You never know what conversation this T-shirt could start, or where it might lead!

Scientists have spent a significant amount of time, and they've come to the conclusion it leads to Japanese girls keeping at least twenty feet of distance between themselves and the wearer of said shirt at all points during an evening of drinking and festivities. If, and only if conversation starts, despite the laws of physics and probability, it will inevitably lead to long awkward pauses in conversation and a deep sense of shame and regret at choosing the beforementioned fucking retarded t-shirt to a party with Japanese girls.

Okay, I'm done. Welcome to the end, folks. We're all doomed. Each and every one of us. Thanks, JList dot com!

At least I've got my booze and smokes to soften the shock of fading into oblivion. They can't take that away from me!
In Japan, the legal age for buying beer and tobacco is 20. In Japanese convenience stores, they have cute little characters who enforce this rule, sternly informing you that you must be 20 years old to buy beer or cigarettes. We thought they would make a great parody T-shirt, wacky yet cute at the same time.

Mother fucker.

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