Then there's this:

A popular magazine in Japan for fans of Western women, including beautiful blondes and huge breast models from America and Europe, this is Bachelor.

An open letter to the Pocari Sweat-swilling shitheads considering purchasing a few issues of this: You don't HAVE to turn to Japan to see the shattered youth of the former Soviet Bloc strip away their pride and decency for you. Jesus Christ kids, if you like the boobs, just go out and buy a copy of Juggs or Perfect 10 or something. Japan doesn't have an embargo on titty pics, you know.

Nama Dashi Akume Bijin - Bukkake Magazine - A magazine dealing with simulated body fluids and the human love and fetish therein."

Simulated Bukkake? Goddammit, it's Coca Cola Classic and New Coke all over again; hell, it's like ordering filet, the waiter going into the back, then coming out an hour later and squirting a big glob of conditioner in your face instead. I know that it's hard to get sexy girls to agree to sit still while a cast of thousands sludges on their pretty faces, but let's face facts: If you're into watching girls get the gross-sperm-per-capita (no pun intended) of Luxembourg discharged on their person, chances are you aren't terribly big into the whole “beauty” thing. Now, I hear the murmurings in the peanut gallery “Well gee, I'd totally be into bukkake but I'm not into gaunt-faced, snaggletoothed whores.” There you go again - fetishizing beyond your means. Go develop yourself a foot fetish, jackass.

After landslides of customer requests, J-List is happy make available the very hard to find erotic videos of the lovely Russian busty idol, Yulia Nova. Extremely popular here in Japan for her beauty and mystique, as well as her generous bust, her products are very difficult to obtain in Japan, and totally unavailable to fans outside the country. But Tomo has worked hard to find a way for us to bring these great videos to you.

Wait a goddamn second, I thought I had told all you assholes up there a few paragraphs ago that BIG TITTIED EASTERN BLOC BITCHES ARE AVAILABLE QUITE EASILY FROM YOUR LOCAL PURVEYOR OF FINE FILTH. And for EIGHTY BUCKS? For God's sake, you could buy at least one decent handjob or eight substandard ones for that kind of money.

Maybe I'm just not seeing the “beauty and mystique” though. Maybe this girl does party tricks or something as well. Frankly, I'm not buying that, as Russia's track record for “mystique” is launching beach balls and dogs into space and sending nubile teen girls to conquer the west through insidious choreographed lesbian makeout sessions. Maybe people are willing to pay a dollar per minute to watch almost grotesquely oversized boobs swing around.

University girls, OLs, and oneesan types gather around the naked Moodyz male models to test their mettle, knowledge and “H” factor. Blushing, laughing girls having fun as they examine, touch, masturbate men they have never met. An excellent tribute to real amateur girls and this special situation, ending in a climatic oral sex show. Perfect for those who love amateurs and oral sex.

And, of course as they forgot to mention, perfect for those who really dig masturbating men. Once again, the Japanese take an American institution and turn it COMPLETELY GOD DAMNED APESHIT. This time, The Dating Game.

“Bachelor number one, how would you make our first date special? ”


“Er, right. Okay then. Bachelor number two, what is the, um, weirdest place you've ever 'done it'? ”


“Sigh. Fine. Bachelor number three, are you currently fantasizing about jacking off on my face? ”

HUFF UFF URRR... Yeah, I think that's about right. ”

Personally the “watching guys stroking themselves” to “watching girls do it for them” ratio on this DVD seems a little bit lopsided for my taste, but to each their own. I think we just made a Sperm Connection.

The 4th installment of the popular lolita-esque Blue series from digital-ark is here. Starring the cute, lithe, pony-tailed Takako Nagashima as she dives into and plays with the camera in the deep end of the pool, has fun with a pool ring, and poses for still shots, swims an obstacle course of cameramen and more.

All the fun of hanging around the shallow end of the public pool without any intention to actually go swimming in the comfort of your very own living room. No more disgusted stares from parents! No more being escorted out by angry lifeguards! No more sexual offenses! Well, several fewer at least! Japan thinks of everything! And JList brings it to you! Hooray!

A new volley in the fierce battle between Waap and M's Video Group (aka MVG) for mastery in the world of bukkake erotica, this is a great new production in the Dream Shower series. Directed by Arara Kurosawa (whose name is a parody of Akira Kurosawa) this features truly dynamite sperm-drinking bukkake for you. Features bukkake in a variety of outfits, nude, nurse uniform, OL suit, cat girl, and even pajamas -- they've thought of it all.

Does this bring the “rap wars” to anyone elses mind? It's only a matter of time before the West Coast Bukkakers put the hit on that rising star of the bukkake world, Notorious J.I.Z. to which the Eastside puts the hit out on the prodigious 2cock. When will the violence... the bloodshed... THE SPERMSHED end?!

I'm amused to think of any bukkake film being considered “The Rashomon of bukkake film.” Followed by “Every jerk is poignant, every whimper of the beleaguered cat-girl heartbreaking, every splurt is simply breathtaking. A masterpiece of the genre.”

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