Dirty Pair Part 1: Like Russian Roulete

January 20, 2002
Author: Reverend Ragu
Clever, aren't I?

I love the Dirty Pair. It's a show about big breasted babes with bigger guns blowing everything up, leaving no person or structure in their blast radius unharmad. With that affection for the series, I'm something of a “connoisseur” of Dirty Pair hentai, or at least that's what I'd call myself. You'd call me a “sexually deviant wankpipe” or “sex offender waiting to happen.” Fuck you guys, I'm into this for its artistic merit. And the titties. Artistic titties.

While certainly there's a lion's share of hot all-girl action and enough mysterious lab experiments sprouting ersatz phalluses if that just happens to be your thing, there's a sinister side to Dirty Pair hentai. A conspiracy to keep you limp in spite of the boner-bait premise; one of shit, piss, and furries. So really, it's not that different from anything else. But, to start off this series, I'm going to take it easy on you. I can't fist your tender asshole without some proper stretching first, otherwise I just get a mess of screams, blood, and feces. I realize that might do it for you, but I'd like to think of myself as keeping a tidier household here, thanks.

To introduce today's selection, I'll let our friends at the (dearly departed) Happy Hentai Home lay it down for us.

“This is a hentai Dirty Pair doujinshi by Studio Katsudon. This was first issued in1991. In the year, the law enforcement restricted explicit sexual expression of doujinshi society vary hard; as a result, the auther later should give up to draw some hentai scenes. Later, he added up hentai scenes which should be drawn on the original. The deregulation of Japanese Manga makes the bran new `Duty Pair` more interesting. In this time, it contains many Hentai plays. One who disappoints on our last issues won't be disappointed in this time. Kei and Yuri are under cover cops (part time job). They are against mobs. In this story, they are in the bunny suit and try to penetrate into the mob party. Yet, they are found! The mobs turn to be a good customer and serving with them? Second story is based on a famous Japanese cartoon “Ann Pann Man”. They are attacked by Ann Pann Man and Vikinn Man. This doujinshi contains many hard core hentai illustrations. Please send a email if you would like to purchase this beautiful doujinshi. Payment should be made by only international postal money order.”

Couldn't have said it better myself. Imasara is what we professionals in the field of manhandling the meatsnake call “The Mother Lode”: Fifty pages of lovingly detailed renderings of our favorite scantily clad trouble consultants in various stages of intercourse. It's a doujinshi that keeps on giving, one which you can jerk your poor dong to until it's a bloody stump. That's not to say we've found a “normal” doujinshi, for the first time in the history of the world, but just that no amount of befuddling freakishness can stop the jerkparade. You can drop a hydrogen bomb and I ain't stopping, people. If anything, it would just turn me into a superhuman atomic jerker, perhaps called something like “RAGU JERKER OF THE ATOM”, defender of the innocent. I'll use my powers only for good. I'll jerk this world to a peaceful future.

Back on track, as the 3H eloquently put it, despite the “law enforcement restricted explicit sexual expression of doujinshi society”, someone managed to slip in a story of the Dirty Pair getting penetrated by famous Japanese children's cartoon characters. Basically it's more or less the same thing as teletubbies sex. Teletubbies with hilariously huge muscles, and dicks on their head. Knowing the restless doujinshi machine, I've probably just given them a fantastic idea and I will run across breathy moans of “Ah-Oh!” within the next six months.

In classic 80's teen movie fashion, I'd just like to get one “GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER, DICKHEAD!” in before this article is through
Not having been raised on these characters helps, but to the prospective adults out there on that little island that could, I could see this as a scarring experience. Imagine having your childhood memories shit on with the vigor of Bert and Ernie filming scat movies to sell to Oscar the Grouch, that twisted fuck, and I suppose it makes sense why there's a self-sustaining culture out there that puts this stuff out with alarming frequency, unable to hold a healthy sexual fantasy in their heads for more than thirty seconds. E is for Enema and that's good enough for me.

However, as westerners safely sheltered by vigorously protected copyright laws, we can only claim to have had our childhood innocence shattered by Pee Wee Herman doing what comes naturally. As such, we can view this manga from an objective standpoint rather than as someone who has had his promising future ripped away from him by it, damned to an existence of Gundam models and artificial vaginas. With that in mind, we have Vikinn Man, apparently a character that the Japanese thought would educate children about their bodies by sticking a phallus on his head, and Anpanman, the edible superhero. America has come up with a lot of surrogate Jesuses to put in their comic books, but Anpanman, from Japan no less, really captures the nuances of Christ's word: “If thou art hungry, thou shalt sup upon my face.”

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