“Wouldn't stuff from Final Fantasy 8 or 9 be more recent and better?”
Actually no! You see there IS no yaoi for Final Fantasy 8 or 9. Final Fantasy 7 is the peak of Final Fantasy Yaoi, almost exclusively engaged in by Cloud and Sephiroth. Basically Squall is too much of a pretty boy for yaoi and FF 9 with its furries is crossing the line of diminishing returns what with all the fetishes; kind of like mixing beer, orange pop and toilet bowl cleaner.
So like I was saying here we have Cloud and Sephiroth doing the deed. Now looking at this page might confuse some people. Let's take it one panel at a time; hopefully by going slow it will help you get a better grip on the true meaning of yaoi. Now remember Japanese people are funny and read like dyslexics so we start on the right side. First Sephiroth gives Cloud some tongue while Cloud is buck ass naked. I'd like to point out that on the page before this Cloud was doing Tifa up the ass and Sephiroth just walked in and kissed Cloud. In yaoi this is a perfectly acceptable plotline; hell, this is acceptable for a plotline in most hentai. If you are ever fucking a chick and a naked guy comes up to you and kisses you then you are more then likely in a yaoi comic. Best course of action would be to shove something sharp into your neck or learn to like ass sex really, really fast.
Second, Cloud moves his sword, where the fuck he got the sword is anyone's guess. For those who are saying “HIS ASS, HAHA” look at the fucking sword and then look at Cloud's naked body. There's no fucking way he can keep that sword up his ass for any length of time. He would probably die first; Jesus can't you people do better then that? Well neither can I, HAHA STUPID ASS SWORD CLOUD.
Next, Sephiroth tries to look all bad ass; and you can bet your sweet hole that Sephiroth is the biggest, baddest piece of cock on the yaoi block. He's kind of like Dolemite, but with gay sex and no kung-fu bitches and also he doesn't rhyme. In the fourth panel, there's a look of surprise in Sephiroth's eyes. Probably because Cloud has turned the tables and shoved HIS tongue down Sephiroth's throat so far that it's like he's digging for that roll of nickels Sephiroth swallowed last week. See, in an earlier comic, it was part of a gay bet. Basically Cid was all like “Hey bet you can't chug cock like an experienced gay man!” and Sephiroth was all like “Oh yeah?! Well watch me go deep throat all over this roll of nickels!” and Cloud was all like Hey guys! “THOSE ARE MY NICKELS!” and Sephiroth swallowed the nickels and then Cid was like “EVERYONE MOUNT MY MOP!”
Cloud then stabs Sephiroth and himself with his huge magically appearing ass sword, which sounds like another name for his cock. Finally Tifa realizes how hot she finds yaoi instantly making her nipples really hard.
“I don't get it, is this all that yaoi is about? Searching for nickels while you stab people with your metaphorical cock?”
Not exactly. You see that was the first level of yaoi, the level most people see and take as the meaning. That's not how yaoi works, layer two mostly has to do with guys fucking with or without protection so we'll just skip that layer.
Ok we'll start at layer three, past all of that pseudo gay sex bullshit and it must be seen to be believed.
Well, after looking at comments for Nintendo's Girl Talk ad on Ad Critic, who can blame them?
After spending 30+ dollars to upgrade with Quick Time 5, still nothing. Now, you want me to purchase Telocity. Do you not realize that this is called Bait and Switch and is a serious crime? Wheneve”
Wheneve indeed Exasperated.
cu l8r- tds”
Show Ad Critic and Nintendo who calls the shots around here, woillie!
this site sucks b/c it is so slow. When are ya'll gonna do something.?”
More internet abbreviations! woillie and come on know that using internet abbreviations means u r serious and not going 2 take it anymore!
I got a cable modem...when are you going to get one also???”
Site sucks 1, Ad Critic 0
disgusting s all i have to say lets see some sick ad like that actually put their grandmas in their for once! ~katie~”
My grandma is dead Katie, is that what you want Katie? PUT MY FUCKING DEAD GRANDMA IN A COMMERCIAL FOR YOUR FUCKING AMUSEMENT? LOOK LADY I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR SICK OBSESSION WITH DEAD PEOPLE IS BUT NO DOUBT PEOPLE LIKE YOU WERE THE SOLE REASON MULTIPLE WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S WERE MADE... Well, maybe if you give me some head. Wait, you don't like yaoi, do you?
ghjuiiy8”
Fuck if I know, perhaps may is retarded.
We all know banners don't work, now we can see that video downloads don't work too well either and Katie is a yaoi loving whore for not answering my e-mails about having a threesome with my dead grandmother. So what's left for internet advertising? That's right, YAOI. Subliminal messages hidden in yaoi for you to buy a particular company's product. Think about it, thousands of images out there, on the net, SELLING YOUR PRODUCT. Newsgroups, webpages, SCARY webpages, all selling your product of choice.
The person who posted a comment under the name of my god! has already started feeling the effects of yaoi and marketing.
that is one fine sexy b*itch! i would love to take all of her clothes off and start f*cjing her up the a$$ in and out in and out SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX”
Give him a few months, soon he'll be substituting a “little boy” for “sexy bitch” while he talks about how the Gamecube can rape the X-Box, PS2 and your dad all in the same night and still have enough power to play the latest Pokemon. Hell in a few months we'll all be saying that while learning French with Muzzy and buying the latest Big Country CD.
So where will you stand? Will you be one of mindless sheep jerking to yaoi, but not really jerking to gay sex but instead jerking to a Nintendo ad? Is that what you want? Have you seen the guy who owns Nintendo? He's all shriveled and old! Stop jerking to old people! Or will take up the fight in the war against yaoi like so many others have? Send e-mails to yaoi sites stating that yaoi is nothing but propaganda for the man, not gay sex like everyone thinks.
“I still don't get it. Is yaoi about getting back nickels or jerking to old people?”
A little of both my friend, a little of both.
Coming in the next update, cataloging the adventures of a short Japanese pop star as he fights the evil tide of yaoi sweeping the nation. Or maybe a really gay interview, or maybe a look at hate mail if I get enough.
Thank you,
NathanTR
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