There's a whole lot more ugliness, but it's all pretty redundant ugliness that I've discussed before in great detail. To be honest, as much as I just LOVE subjecting myself to the equivalent of slamming my forehead into the bricks, I'll pass on it tonight. Designated driver and all that. So instead of detailing the rest of this particular chapter, why don't I just make up a GOOD END and learn the true meaning of love and friendship in the process?

Okay, so as this comic goes on, Spike's cigarette seems to be appearing and disappearing just as Jet's clothes and hair seemed to be doing. The interdimensional tear appears to be widening as the Bebop's quantum state becomes more and more uncertain, apocryphal “U CAN ONLY BRAKE TEH LAWS OF FIZZIKS 4 24 HOURZ AND ALSO ONLY 4 EDJUKASHUNAL PERPOSES” directives are broken, and as whatever higher power there is tears apart existence so he can play Mike Tyson's Punch Out!! for free, Spike performs his abhorrent acts on Ed... And the universe stops. THE END AND ALL OVER.


When you emulate, you're playing with Cobra Commander
Then they cut to a scene of some kids on the computer saying “YEAH CHECK IT OUT I CAN GET STREET FIGHTER 2010: THE FINAL FIGHT FOR FREE ON MY COMPUTER” when Duke or Snake Eyes or Roadblock or Roadhouse starring Patrick Swayze comes on

WATCH OUT KIDS! DOWNLOADING ROMS SEEMS HARMLESS BUT IT NOT ONLY REALLY HURTS THE SOFTWARE DEVELOPERS WHO WORK HARD TO BRING YOU QUALITY GAMES, YOU ARE ALSO BREAKING THE LAW! AND LAWLESSNESS LEADS TO ANARCHY! ANARCHY LEADS TO COMMUNISM! AND COMMUNISM IS GODLESS! AND WITHOUT GOD... WHY WE MIGHT AS WELL NOT EVEN EXIST! IN FACT, MAYBE WE DON'T EXIST! MAYBE THIS IS ALL SOME INSIGNIFICANT GLITCH IN THE ETERNAL NOTHINGNESS AND NONE OF THIS MATTERS AT ALL! FUCKING PINKOS AND THEIR GOD DAMNED ROMS! MAKING US ALL NOT EXIST!”.


So the kids double-take and immediately delete all their ROMs.

“Wow, uh, I guess we didn't know that. Damn. Now we know, I think. I don't want to play ROMs anymore. I want to cry now.”

AND KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE!


But, despite my completely fabricated end-of-the-universe finale for this story, there's more. Like an psychological pre-teen, porn addicted Satan, not even the heat death of the universe can stop Hirano Kouta from attempting to murder our souls. Just as the big, demonic, ice-cream launching luchadore down below tempted Eve to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil which lead to God kicking Adam and Eve's asses out of his eternal rave party; Hirano Kouta tempts us with sickeningly hot thirteen year olds and causes God to curse us with the sex appeal of your average leper. Then as Satan goes for the finisher by dooming us all to a plague of offensively inoffensive pop-punk acts, so does Kota with an even more disenheartening Ed story. Yes, as inconceivable as it seems, he's a pro. It shouldn't surprise us, but it does. I think there's this faint hope that we all hold on to, that we've finally hit bottom; the lowest that the doujinshi machine can drill, but much like that shockingly original cautionary tale “The Core”, I think that there will be a whole lot of world destroying and surprisingly scenic natural disasters before we hit bottom. And of course, Bruce Willis will have to sacrifice himself and there will be vaguely uncomfortable scenes of candy sex and then Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum will stem the invasion with the power and usability of Macintosh computers. I think someone winds up putting his cock in some pastry too.

Well anyway, it's movie night for Faye and Ed. Of course, considering they don't have an omni-super-interspatial DVD player and just a TV with basic space cable and an old betamax deck, there's not a whole lot of stuff to watch apart from Sex and the City repeats, but it would probably be preferable to hammer railroad spikes into one's skull to trepan evil spirits out. As for the betamax deck, all they have is that one childhood Faye home movie. Well, I suppose that's better than nothing, there's always making Faye intensely embarrassed about the one time she, as a slightly chubby eighth grader, sung an off-key, meandering version of No Doubt's “I'm Just A Girl” at a school talent show. However...

Personally, I think the movie should have followed the book a little better
VISUALSHOCK! SOUNDSHOCK! NOW IS TIME TO SET THE 68000 HEART ON FIRE! This isn't the same tape as the one with the horribly awkward fifteenth birthday party where she invited BOYS over and her parents brought out the baby pictures and she was SOOO EMBARASSED. In a zany turn of events, it turns out to be a SECRET SEX TAPE! My God, what is Faye-Faye putting in her mouth?! Does she know where that thing has been? And she said she was going to the library to study!! I am shocked! Fuck, I guess I'd better make with the jerking while the getting is good!! Kouta bucks the tide by actually including some hot Faye action... Of course, it's from her teenage years, so I guess it's still wrong, but I just don't give a damn anymore.

So they managed to track down the one thing more embarrassing to Faye than the one home movie of her graduation party where her weird uncle got trashed and felt her up, prompting her dad and uncle into a fistfight (Long story short, police + teargas = not the best way to make the transition to adulthood.) Ed is extremely fascinated, as indicated by her romanized exclamation of “WAO!!” - And proving that sex on the TV prompts youth to be sexually promiscuous at an early age (Funding for this doujinshi brought to you by Focus On The Family and Senator Lieberman's Enemas For America Foundation), Ed proceeds to feel up Faye. And then the carnage begins: Possibly the most uncomfortably arousing thirteen pages of hentai doujinshi ever.



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